my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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