College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
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