Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
