You just made me feel so damn special
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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