very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
