the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
