i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
