Please, let me fuck your mom
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
