So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
