Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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