I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
