the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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