I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
