What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
