do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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