so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
