her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
