His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
