I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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