defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
