dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
