I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
