The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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