I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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