Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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