The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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