the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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