What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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