So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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