At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
