Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I wish I only lived at night.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
