That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
