oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
ttyl tear gas
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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