hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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