we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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