She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
