I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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