It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
