just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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