for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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