Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Randomize
