I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
