when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
