how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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