my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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