Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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