can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
