You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
