Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
