Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
