she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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