Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
