I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
