in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
