We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
