I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
