WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
